My partner's sleep apnea is ruining our lives
My partner has SA. He works incredibly long hours and is not at home that much but when he is, he is always asleep. Always. Sometimes he sleeps in until 1 or 2pm and then I find him snoring on the couch again by 4pm. When he does the school run he can fall asleep in the car outside our house for hours and other times he falls asleep outside the school at pick up and the school call me to say nobody is there for our child.
I know he is exhausted and that must be horrible, but my sympathy is wearing thin because he shows no drive to chase his referral or to try to live a healthier lifestyle, which I think would help a bit. We have slept in separate rooms for over 2 years because of his snoring, which does mean I get sleep now but adds to the loneliness of living with someone who is barely awake.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to salvage their relationship after they started treatment?
Hi
, I wanted to check in; I hope things have improved, and that you're doing ok?
This hit's very close to home. I've been in two long-term relationships. Each one was destroyed by sleep deprivation. 😓
Warmly, — Matt G. (sleepapnea.sleep-disorders.net) Team Member
I am a sleep technologist. I have seen so so so many patients who were in the lab for studies because their snoring and fatigue were ruining their relationship. Have you thought to video/audio record the snoring? That can be pretty eye opening for someone in denial.
Does your husband have a primary care doctor? You can always ask him to see his doctor and mention it to them. Or go with your husband and share your witnessed experience with the doctor.
If your husband argues he doesn't have sleep apnea, or doesn't snore, you can always respond by saying, why not have a sleep study to prove me wrong? A home test is pretty simple and inexpensive and will answer a lot of questions.
Good luck, I also sleep separately from my spouse because of snoring (both of us, though mine is now treated) and different sleep schedules that were just too disruptive. But we are still married (35 years next summer) and he has finally dealt with the causes of his snoring, so he's now in a better space, healthwise. He still gets up wayyyy too early so we keep to our own spaces, but it's fine.
Best, Tamara, author and community advocate
Hi
, thanks so much for sharing. That definitely sounds really frustrating. It can be really hard and understandably tiring trying to convince someone to take their health more seriously. I'm sure others in the community can relate and will chime in with their experiences. In the meantime, I wanted to share an article from our advocate, Simone, that you may find relatable: https://sleepapnea.sleep-disorders.net/living/partner-perspective. We really hope your partner is able to get the treatment he needs. We are always here if either of you needs anything! Best, Allison (Team Member)
