I Expected a Productive Sunday but Sleep Apnea Had Other Plans

Ever since starting CPAP therapy for obstructive sleep apnea about 2 years ago, I have had a significant positive change in my excessive daytime sleepiness.

I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones to have adjusted to CPAP so successfully. For the most part, I have adequate energy to get through my day about 6 out of 7 days every week.

Since using CPAP, my daily expectations changed

I have not forgotten what I used to feel like before my sleep apnea diagnosis. I will always remember the constant fatigue. It was typical for me to simply get through my basic responsibilities. I learned to never be completely confident that other errands or plans could be achieved on a given day.

But since using my CPAP, those daily expectations changed. It is no longer typical for me to have a string of days where I experience chronic fatigue. If I have 1 low-energy day, usually the next day feels better. Until this week...

Along came a low energy work week

For a variety of reasons, I had low energy every day of my work week. First, I came home from a flight very late on Monday night. Then, I had a long commute to my job early on Tuesday. Normally after sleeping well on Tuesday, I would start to feel back to my new baseline energy level by Wednesday. Except that didn’t happen.

The rest of my work week included naps on my lunch break or lying down for a nap at 5 PM. I know that I was under more stress than usual the past few weeks, which I’m sure impacted my energy. But sometimes I think sleep apnea just takes a hold of me again.

It’s interesting the narratives that we create for ourselves and how they change over time. Before using a CPAP, I wouldn’t get too frustrated if I didn’t have the energy to accomplish something, because I was used to it for 30 years! Now I find myself getting very frustrated because I “should” be feeling better.

I was determined to have a productive Sunday

By the time Sunday came, I had spent the week resting and trying to reset my energy. I was determined to have a productive Sunday. There were errands to complete before the next work week began. I also wanted to do some self-care, like working out or listening to a podcast in the sun on my balcony. My week prior had not allowed for a lot of those activities.

I woke up around 8:30 AM, which is good for me on a weekend! I did a few errands but by 11 AM, I was fighting off sleep. After pushing through for a few hours I made a pot of coffee around 1 PM when my fatigue had not lifted. Note: coffee has never helped me when I am fatigued and I know this! I think I hope it will function as a placebo effect. My goal was to make it to 3 PM. But by 1:30 I could not keep my eyes open anymore and took a nap for a few hours.

By the end of the day, it was fine. I could do the errands another day. But I let my expectations of how my energy "should be" consume my thinking that day.

Re-framing my thinking

I am working on re-framing my “should” thinking and giving myself grace. I have sleep apnea and it is a chronic condition. There are going to be times when my excessive daytime sleepiness is severe. Sometimes the weekends will be when I make up for pushing through Monday to Friday. It’s OKAY.

I am constantly doing the best I can with the amount of energy that I have. I will work on reminding myself of that!