Why Sleep Apnea Makes Me Feel Like a Hostage in My Own Body

I know, what a title eh, but it’s true.

There are times when my obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) makes me feel like a hostage in my own body. As I have a mild case of OSA, the only things that can help me are following a sleep routine and taking my restless legs syndrome (RLS) medications.

Sleep routines help, but are hard

I have written in the past about how following a sleep routine is difficult for me to do because of the other diseases I have. Sometimes, it’s my constant headache requiring me to instantly go to bed.

Other times, it’s the extreme fatigue that makes me need to instantly go to bed. It’s not really practical for me to start the sleep routine right after dinner just in case I need to go to bed early instead of 4 hours after I finish eating dinner.

Worrying about the time

There are some guidelines for the sleep routine I am still able to follow: like not looking at the clock in the middle of the night if I have to wake up to go to the bathroom. Which, one would think it’s a big deal but checking the time can make it more difficult to fall back asleep.

One can start to worry about the time and that they have to wake up in X amount of hours. They may even slightly panic that they don’t have enough time to be able to get a good sleep and that they still are awake.

I was recently reminded of how much not checking the time benefits me when I needed to be awake every 5 hours to take a painkiller for 35 days straight. It always took me so much longer to fall back asleep, at times I could be awake for an hour to almost 2 hours at one point.

Mental effects of sleep apnea

Now, you may be thinking at this point, so why does all of that make you feel like a hostage sometimes? Well, when I don’t sleep well, it really takes its toll on not just all of my diseases but my brain as well.

I become extra klutzy, I struggle even more to string thoughts together coherently and have times where I say the completely wrong word...heck, even times when I think the wrong word: like thinking to myself, “I have to grab the cereal.” But instead, I'll think “I have to grab the air conditioner.”

When I’m really struggling with getting enough sleep, I have times when I will remember doing something but discover that I actually didn’t do it. For example, I remember turning the hot water down in the shower only to discover that I actually turned the hot water up even more. Yet I will have no memory of actually turning it up, just the memory of turning it down.

I even had a time when I was going to cook up some food, and I thought I was soaking the pot to clean but then my timer went off and my water was boiling. I had no memory of cleaning the pot or putting water in it and putting it on the stove. This was quite scary because it involved a potential fire risk.

If I don’t do as my OSA demands, I pay the price. And one of these days, it might lead to something dangerous like a fire. It’s scary when you can’t always trust your memory.

Do you feel like a hostage sometimes too? Do you notice any mental effects of sleep apnea? Please share your story or comment below.