Beginning My Sleep Apnea Journey

Fatigue is something I am familiar with. I am used to having maybe 2 productive hours in a day before needing a nap. I thought this was normal, for me at least. Other people can do multiple tasks in a day and go to more than 1 event a week without needing a day (or 3) to recover. But not me.

I always thought my fatigue was related to my other diagnosis, hidradenitis supparativa (HS), and the medications that came with it. I had learned to (mostly) live with it. Even as it took a toll on literally every aspect of my life, I was never willing to admit how much of a problem it was.

Talking to my doctor about my fatigue

It took me an embarrassingly long time to tell my doctor that my fatigue was getting in the way of my daily life. Many of my friends and family began to question why I was constantly tired. After 26 years of being fatigued, I finally scheduled an appointment with my primary doctor to address this.

I prepared by printing out all my labs from the past year, a list of medications, and all of my medical history written down. I wanted this doctor to know I needed help – and fast. Luckily, she was great and listened to all of my concerns. She then referred me to a sleep center for a sleep study.

The study was not bad, in my opinion. My insurance only covered an at-home test, but I thought I did fairly well. I anxiously awaited the response.

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I never thought I could have sleep apnea

Sleep apnea was never on my radar. I knew my sleep was inconsistent and unrefreshing, but it never occurred to me that I could have it. So, getting the results from my sleep study was shocking. I was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea.

The diagnosis didn’t feel real at the time. Before I knew it, I was given a CPAP machine with a nasal pillow mask. The adjustment has been hard for me. I still have trouble falling and staying asleep. I am still accepting this diagnosis and adjusting to the machine. I thought having answers would make me relieved, but I have struggled more than I thought I would.

Working towards accepting my diagnosis

Overall, I’ve mostly accepted the diagnosis and the CPAP, even though a part of me really hates it. I don’t know why I feel this way, and it is something I am actively working on.

I try to focus on the positive. I do see some changes after using my CPAP and my brain fog has somewhat improved. But really sitting with the negative emotions and working through them has helped me. I know I can hate my CPAP machine, even while laughing at myself for looking funny with the mask on. But I still use it every night because even if I hate it, it is still a form of self-care to take care of myself.

What I have learned from my sleep apnea diagnosis

Getting a sleep apnea diagnosis has taken me on quite a journey in the past 6 months. I know I have a long way to go to accept this and see the full effects of the CPAP.

This diagnosis has taught me a lot about my relationship with sleep and how I prioritize my health. And as I prepare to travel for the first time with my CPAP machine, I know I still have a lot to learn!