What I Wish I Could Tell My Past Self

Being a teenager and having sleep apnea is not a good mix. For one thing, you’re already so self-conscious that being told that you have something wrong with you isn’t any fun. (Or, for that matter, at any age). And then being told you need to wear this big honking thing on your face when you sleep is no walk in the park either. If I could go back and speak to a younger me, I think this is what I would tell her.

I wish I knew other people had sleep apnea too

I wish I knew how common it was for other people my age to have health issues. Not that I would ever wish one on anyone, but it happens way more often than I had realized. I felt a little bit like an outcast. I think if any of my classmates had seen me during my sleep study, I probably would have cried. Health can be such a taboo subject.

I think talking more and opening up more conversations could be so beneficial for our generation and the ones to come. The CPAP machine was my biggest issue, though. I was so self-conscious about how it looked that I couldn’t wear it. I know, not a great reason, but I was 15-16, give me a break. I got upset if I had acne, which I did.

The medical stuff is here to save your life

I still have a rocky relationship with anything medical. I have a lot of PTSD from procedures, surgeries, mean doctors, etc. But I think if I had been able to see the whole picture from a different perspective, it would have helped a lot. All I could see was something that was wrong with me, and now I had to go under the knife to get it fixed.

I was scared, frustrated, and a lot of other things. But I think ultimately, my surgery probably saved my life. I know I would never have worn the mask regularly at that point in time. So getting a permanent fix was the best thing for me. Now I have a life that I cherish.Thanks to past Katelynn getting the surgery. Thanks past me for being so brave.

Advice I wish I knew before

I would have HATED to have heard this at that age. But now that I know what I know now, if I had known then, it would have helped. (Did that confuse you as much as it did me to write?) But, logically, I could have used that terrifying experience to be more empathetic, courageous, live a healthier lifestyle, and possibly help others who were going through something similar. If only life worked that way. At least I can remind myself now what’s important.

Sometimes it can hurt to look back at your past. Certainly, some things are worth forgetting. But sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself how far you’ve come. Little Katelynn went through a lot so that the present Katelynn could flourish. I owe it to her to keep growing and living a life full of light and happiness.